Thursday, March 15, 2007

DAILY DOSE OF CRAZY-EYED HERON

Hooray! My evil heron buddy is back!

See, there's this gigantic, crazy-eyed, blue-and-grey heron that loves to perch in the waterways near my abode. He scared the ever-living Hell out of me the first time I saw him, standing there in that flamingo pose and looking at me like, if he wasn't so damn skinny, he'd love to just tear me apart and devour me on the spot.

And, as mentioned, the heron has crazy eyes. And not like, "One of 'em's lazy," I mean so evil and hate-filled that I've named him "Swearengen," after Ian McShane's character on "Deadwood."

For this reason, it's not an uncommon thing to walk by the apartment building and see a weirdo in a heavy metal t-shirt yelling at a giant, crazy-eyed heron, "Sway-gen! Cocksucker! Sway-gen! Cocksucker!"

Maybe that's why the heron's always giving me evil looks.

Also, there's some massive car show going on down the way, so the usually packed roads are more-so; of course, the roads are packed with old street rods and muscle cars, so at least you have something pretty to drool over while you're stuck in traffic.

An episode of "Lost" a few weeks back (the one where Hurley found the VW in the jungle) featured the awesome Three Dog Night Cut, "Shambala." It was a good choice, given the context of the show and such, but it wouldn't have been my first pick...

Three Dog Night - "Eli's Coming" (From "Suitable for Framing")

Justin Timberlake says that he's "bringing sexy back."

Riiiiiight.

Of course, those of us with musical taste and/or knowledge know that "sexy never left." It just got co-opted into the whole "label-manufactured-bands/American Idol" pop music scene and watered down so that sexy now just means, "a typical dance track with loud bass."

Listen carefully, Justin and fans.

Marvin and Tammy are sexy. Curtis Mayfield is sexy. Ann Wilson is sexy. Hell, even Three Dog Night got super-sexy with "Eli."

Stop trying to claim a "sexy monopoly" when you have no authority to do so. When it gets to the point where I'd rather listen to Justin Timberlake than Marvin Gaye, then you can go ahead and crown yourself "The Grand Dragon of Sexy" and bring back whatever the Hell you want.

Until then, just sell your records to thirteen year old girls and shut the fuck up.

"Eli's Coming" showcases the devastating Three Dog Night vocal layering that put them at the top of the 70's rock/soul game. Not content to simply sing like bad-asses, though, TDN also brings an accomplished band with a rock-solid groove.

The kicker here is, definitely, the emotional, belting, gospel-tinged vocals. Unlike the tinny, thin, wussy vocals of our modern era, the boys in TDN make you believe what they're singing. "Eli's coming, hide your heart, girl!" You might forget it's a song and start checking over your shoulder...

2 comments:

Dikkii said...

For the first few months, I thought that this crappily boring tune with two riffs was horrible.

The radio in our office is set to a Top 40 radio station that I dislike immensely. And they kept playing this song to death.

It was about month three of high rotation that I turned to my work buddy in the desk next to me and said, "I freaking well hate this song. I've got no idea what the chorus is, but the chick who sings it must be sick to death of repeating the same words over and over again, up to 16 times per chorus. And the only words I can make out in the verse is where she attempts to get a little raunchy and tell us that she'll let us whip her if she misbehaves. Honestly, does this radio station play anything else or just her?"

My work buddy looked at me very strangely, and said, "It's not a chick, it's a bloke. It's Justin Timberlake."

To which I could only say one thing: "Dude sounds like a lady."

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull said...

Right on, man. I was wondering where you were going with the story then damn-near died laughing upon, "It's Justin Timberlake."

I thought the same thing when I heard a snippet of one of his new songs in some commercial; "That chick sucks."