IN WHICH I CORRECT A GRIEVOUS MUSICAL TRANSGRESSION...

A friend (let's call her "Buttercup") remarked that, much to her amazement, I had yet to mentioned Zep. I hung my head in shame.

Buttercup also chastised me for neglecting to mention Zakk Wylde's stellar album "Book of Shadows" in the "Mellow Metal" post so, just so she doesn't kill me while I sleep, listen to...

Zakk Wylde - "Evil Ways" (From "Book of Shadows")

Now, back to Led Zeppelin.

I take Zep very, very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that the last time I even got close to fighting someone was a few years back, when some high school kid tried to convince me that Led Zeppelin was overrated. When he said, "And 'Stairway' isn't all that great of a song,'" one of my friends advised him to either leave, shut up, or be prepared to take a bottle of Guinness upside the dome.

So, yes, I am prepared to shed blood (anyone's, I don't care) to protect the sanctity of Zep.

They're the perfect band. Amazing guitarist, great vocalist, and the most rock-solid backbeat/rhythm section ever. They even spawned a Muppet; the most amusing Muppet, to be exact.

I could easily write dozens of lengthy posts extolling the glory of Zep, but I feel it's best to let them speak for themselves.

And the best thing about them is that they pass the "Dartboard Test" every time. Write down all the names of Zep songs, stick them to a dartboard, and chuck three darts. You'll get something like...

Led Zeppelin - "Houses of the Holy" (From "Physical Graffiti")

The git-fiddlin' on this track is phenomenally groovy but the lyrics stand out to me more than anything. I love any lyrics that can be used as pick-up lines...

"Let me take you to the movies.
Can I take you to the show?
Let me be yours ever truly.
Can I make your garden grow?"

Not quite as good as...

"What's your name?
Who's your daddy?
Is he rich like me?"

...but still effective.

Led Zeppelin - "Hot Dog" (From "In Through the Out Door")

I love this one because every time I hear it, I see a massive, Old-West-style bar brawl in my head.

You know, people sliding down the bar, people swinging from chandeliers, someone kicking a full spitoon through the air, some lady screaming until she catches a stray punch, and a guy with a bushy moustache obliviously playing a honky-tonk piano the whole time. It also shows Zep's capacity to switch musical styles and genres seemingly at will.

Led Zeppelin - "Ten Years Gone" (From "Physical Graffiti")

Aside from featuring one of the most evil guitar riffs in history, this song has a special significance.

I once was in love with a wonderful girl who counted this as her favorite Zep song (and one of her all-time favorites); upon learning this, I fell even more in love with her (if that was possible).

Unfortunately, it never worked out quite like I planned and, though we haven't talked in years, I still think of all the fun we had whenever I hear this beautiful song.

So, to all my wonderful, beautiful friends in the Wild World of the Web, buy everything Led Zeppelin has ever produced. Thank you.