Tuesday, June 12, 2007

GOSH DARN IT TO HECK!

I am forced to tackle this subject, even though Bob fucking nailed it.

If that offends you, you might want to stop now. On second thought, keep reading; I might just learn ya something.

Signs of abject ignorance are, unfortunately, all too abundant in our fair country. Presidential candidates dismiss evolution as if it’s the Loch Ness Monster; the general populace would rather vote for "American Idol" than keep up with politics or world events; smarmy "journalists" spew their unqualified opinions as hard facts.

One of the longest running bits of insanity, one that still infects people to this very day, is the notion of "bad language."

For the purposes of clarification, we’re not talking about the simple concepts of manners, tact, and cordiality. Even those of us who cuss like angry, drunken sailors are decent enough to refrain from doing so in front of people we’ve just met, people we barely know, or people that we, for whatever reason, don’t want to anger or upset. Most times, at least.

For example, I don’t cuss around my grandmother because, well, she’s my grandmother. I love her and respect her and, since she (for some reason) doesn’t want to hear "bad language," I honor this simple request.

That doesn’t mean I agree with or even fully understand this moronic societal aversion towards words which are, essentially, synonyms for other words, phrases, and concepts we use all the time.

I was brought up knowing about "bad" words and was instructed never, ever, ever to say these words. When I asked why these words were considered "bad," I was given the standard answer any parent gives when they either have no idea what they’re talking about or simply don’t want to discuss the issue; "That’s just the way it is."

That was never a satisfying answer for me, especially after I heard my father say "motherfucker" for the first time. I understand that that’s just the way my parents thought; they raised my brother and I in the only way they knew how, in the way they were raised. Since they were told not to indulge in the "bad" language, they taught their own children as such. Of course, once they got older, they cursed whenever they felt like it, so... I see where the initial idea comes from but I still think it’s a steaming wok of shit.

Language is one of the main things that set us apart from the other animals, the catharsis that set into motion the entirety of human society and culture. It is, quite literally, the most useful of all human inventions.

So why do people insist on handicapping our greatest tool for no good reason?

Take "fuck," for example. Though we ingenious moderns have pushed the boundaries of the word "fuck" into every conceivable grammatical or contextual use, the primary meaning of "fuck," the one everyone thinks of first (because you’re all dirty and sinful) is "sex." But, somehow, referring to the act as "fuck" is worse than referring to it as "sex."

If I was on Nancy "Hyper-Bitch" Grace’s poor excuse for a "news show" discussing some lurid murder trial where a husband was murdered by his wife’s lover, I’d be hard pressed to avoid mentioning sex. So, I could say, "Yes, we believe that the wife and lover had been having sex (or the more acceptable "sleeping together") for four months before the murder," and no one would flinch. But if I say, "Yes, we believe that the wife and lover had been fucking for four months before the murder," I’d be chastised and, most likely, levied a hefty fine.

It’s ridiculous. Everyone knows "shit" as a substitute for "feces," "poop," "crap," and other scatological designations. I understand that this taboo comes from some kind of weird human embarrassment of natural bodily functions, so why should one synonym for feces be more socially acceptable than another?

Similarly, how can one word for "feces" be more disgusting or unacceptable than another? We are talking about shit, after all, and no matter where it comes from or what you call it, it’s still shit. So how is "shit" worse than anything else?

Even small children are affected by ignorant adults who insist on foisting their ignorance on those who are already (through no fault of their own) ignorant enough. A small child saying, "I have to go poopy" is cutesy; often the adults will laugh about it and say, "Oh, little Billy has to go poopy!" But if Little Billy says "I have to take a shit," he can look forward to a mouthful of soap, an assful of paddle, or some other form of physical or mental punishment. Why? It’s just a fucking word!

Most people who are anti-profanity are not only ignorant but highly arrogant as well. The most-used sentiment I’ve heard from this group is, "People who use bad language aren’t as intelligent as those who don’t."

To that, I can only offer a hearty and robust "Horseshit!" In fact, I’d argue the exact opposite.

Those who believe in such a thing as "bad language" are doing nothing but unquestioningly obeying things they were told. Nothing more. These people were taught that "bad words" shouldn’t be said and, like the good little sheep that they are, they don’t dare utter (Gasp!) a word that someone else said was bad. And these are, usually, the same people who try to use the, "Well, if your friends jumped off a bridge" argument and skip gleefully and obliviously over the irony.

Critical thinking is often discussed under the auspices of science and skepticism, but it should be applied to these sort of common sense issues as well.

The stark-naked facts of the matter are that no human being, dead or alive, could or can provide a single reason why "bad" language is actually "bad." No one can even come close to offering a common sense reason as to why the concept of profanity even exists, much less why we shouldn’t say these words.

"So," the prudish killjoy may ask, "why say them?" Well, here are our profane reasons, shitheel...

A. For emphasis. If you say, "Someone’s a jerk," they’re a jerk. If you say, "Someone’s a fucking jerk-ass bitch-bastard," they’re a fucking jerk-ass bitch-bastard. One of these is mild, the other denotes a more scathing tone.

B. For humor. Using the above example, calling someone a "jerk" might be apt but it doesn’t... It doesn’t pop. It has no cadence. There’s no delivery involved. But call someone a "fucking jerk-ass bitch-bastard" and you might get a chuckle. Do it with a great Bronx accent and I guarantee someone will laugh. Do it with perfect delivery and in the proper context and you’ll kill...

C. Why the fuck not? Language is like a living thing in that it evolves over time, on a micro and macro level (for you creationists and intelligent designers), and does so constantly. We introduce new slang, lingo, and colloquialisms on an almost daily basis, and who’s to say that today’s benign terms won’t end up being tomorrow’s vulgarities, or the other way around? Besides, language is meant to be used, else it wouldn’t have ended up in our lexicon in the first place.

D. Your taboos and superstitions have no power over intelligent, rational human beings. Once again, unless you can make any convincing argument for profanity actually being a bad thing, we ain’t buying what you’re selling. We’re not your children to brainwash and boss around. If we want to say a word, we’ll fucking say it. Fucking proudly.

E. It pisses you (the prudes and morons) off. If all it takes is a throwaway "fuck" to get you riled then, hey, "Cry me a deep fucking river." Because, seriously, adult humans shouldn’t be stupid enough to believe that a word is "bad" or "cursed."

We’re talking about words. Words! Remember that "sticks and stones" expression? Sure, it’s a cheesy saying, but it’s also true. "Words will never hurt you." Unless you’re really fucking sensitive. Or an asshole. Or a really fucking sensitive asshole.

66 comments:

mel said...

Fuckin' A, Reverend. You crack me up -- including how much you had to say about it. :)

Here's a nice follow-on from SFGate:

You Are So F--ing Obscene

Must be in the fucking air.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull said...

Thanks for the kudos and the link, brutha.

I think we can safely blame the anti-profanity crusade on the conservative-Christian types; they're the only ones I know of who care about that sort of thing.

Oh, and crotchety seniors. Because, you know, if it ain't "Ozzie and Harriet," then it's "obscene" and "vulgar."

Dikkii said...

I'm a little embarrassed about swear words in English. We use normal body parts (cunt, prick, asshole) for insults and normal bodily functions (fucking) for expletives.

In Japan, the worst thing that you can be called is the word 'baka'. The mere utterance of this word will bring conversations to a standstill.

It means 'idiot'. That's right, we consider it worse to be described as being like an anatomical cavity than to have our intelligence insulted.

If you ask me, the Japanese are on to something. It IS far worse to be an idiot than a filthy, yet ridiculous metaphor.

Bob said...

Just thought I'd drop by to thank you for the link, and inform you that my blog has been rated NC-17. I guess that means it's not safe for work.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull said...

My pleasure, Bob. I suppose I'd probably get the same rating as well...

Malodious Glitterbottom said...

rev, i agree with you 100%. Language does not dictate intelligence. I am sure some of the greatest minds throughout history cussed like a mother fucking sailor.

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3. A exclusive escapement

4. A fuse in which the power from the mainspring is created to perform by a lever arm of constantly altering length

Pierce Brosnan wore the Seamaster in every of his Bond videos such as, Golden Eye. Inside the Golden Eye film the automatic Seamaster 300M Specialized was featured. Daniel Craig, the current James Bond of the movie "Casino Royale", wears his Omega Seamaster.

For your 40th Anniversary of James Bond a special commemorative edition with the view was created on the market wherever only 10,007 units had been developed. The watch is identical to your model: 2531.80.00 except the blue view encounter had a 007 emblem inscribed across it. The band also had 007 inscribed over the clasp.

Luc Besson's film The Significant Blue featured Omega's Seamaster Skilled 600 which is now a collectible. Omega has continually been the official timekeeper to the Olympics since the 1932 Summer season Olympics. It was the official timekeeper for the 2006 Winter Olympics and can be to the 2008 Summer season Olympics at the same time.

In 1999 Omega created background by introducing the first mass-produced observe incorporating the revolutionary Co-axial escapement

A lot of popular celebrities have endorsed the prestigious Omega brand. These include things like Cindy Crawford, Nicole Kidman, Ernie Els, and Michael Schumacher. At present, Abhishek Bachchan is made the brand new brand ambassador. He's the son of Hollywood icon Amitabh Bachchan and renowned actress Jaya Bhaduri. While you can see the Omega Speedmaster View and Omega Seamaster Observe are becoming highly famed and continue to be one of your world's most well known brands.

Copyright (c) 2007 Patrick Bedford

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Corum Watches Have Unique Designs Like No Other Luxury Brand Identify Observe

When choosing a luxury brand watch, you are likely to look for that there's loads to choose from with regard to completely different watchmakers and various types. Although each and every luxury watchmaker has some thing decent to present the observe purchasing public there are certain suppliers which get noticed in 1 class or an alternative. Corum luxury watches stand out in that they have exclusive variations which are current without any other brand of luxury view. A number of these one of a kind qualities is going to be highlighted under.

Corum Makes use of Colours Seldom Noticed In Other Manufacturers of Luxury Watches

Whilst some view companies will use unique colors with their items, maybe none stand out greater than the color tones witnessed in Corum luxury watches. This view producer uses oddly eye-catching colors along the lines of mustard yellow, magenta and chartreuse to add character to their luxury watches. These uncommon colors include a uniqueness component to the Corum watch and make it desirable for all those that are seeking a attribute not all too often viewed with other luxury brand watches. The Corum watch producers took the leap to make their watches definitely get noticed in the crowd.

Unique Embellishments and View Motifs

Corum also adds uniqueness to their luxury watches by using an assortment of embellishments and motifs not often viewed with other luxury view brands. A few of the unique observe dial motifs created by Corum comprise bubble elements for the numbers and hands of your Bubble XL observe or even the red Swiss flag dial in the Bubble XL Swiss flag model. Corum also utilizes diamonds to provide a exclusive final end result. Although diamonds are frequently utilized by other luxury brand watchmakers, the way in which by which Corum embellishes their watches with this particular elegant gemstone can make it one of a kind in its personal perfect.

The Providing of Unisex View Designs

In addition to making use of unique color tones to construct their watches and adding flair with varied embellishments and motifs, Corum also adds a exceptional taste to their watches by offering varied unisex observe designs. Considering the fact that a lot of the luxury watch producers merely develop a man's style of view or even a woman's style of view, it really is wonderful to find out an organization that is definitely ready to create a luxury type of observe that is ideal for the two sexes. Despite the fact that one could not assume this to become a distinct characteristic, it unquestionably is when described about a luxury watchmaker.

Different Shapes of your View Encounter

Rather than the plain previous model within the circular observe encounter, Corum has intended watches which hurdle above this usual style of watch face by using distinctive shapes to construct the face within the view. You'll notice a handful of numerous Corum watch designs which exhibit this type of uniquely shaped watch face. 1 model will be the unisex Trapeze Chronograph which comes within a vivid chartreuse tone and is in an uneven square shape, nearly like a trapezoid but not fairly such.

The Corum women's heart model is another favored and also the perfect anniversary or Valentine's Day present for that lady with your existence. Using different shapes to craft the view is only one other tremendous explanation why Corum is amongst the favorites checklist of luxury brand watchmakers.

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