Saturday, June 9, 2007


I wrote the following bits for a potential student-created-and-produced play at my alma mater that, unfortunately, never got off the ground. We realized the plausibility of pulling it off a bit too late in the year and, by the time we got tacit approval from the instructors, it was only half-written and we were all embroiled in official theater productions, a directorial class final project, and final exams in general.

What my fellow actors ("Big Up Yourself" to P.T., Lambo, and Ty) and I had concocted was a frenetic, free-flowing, sketch-comedy-type show. It was to feature crazy original music, musical-theatre-parodies, absurd sketches (including a Satanic creative writing seminar), and other bits of random comedy. The fabled "Fourth Wall" was virtually non-existent (like "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged") and we even had some weird, existential bits like a lengthy introduction/disclaimer for a scene never intended to be performed.

A running gag throughout the production featured two fictional candidates campaigning for the mayorship of a fictional city in Virginia. The fake campaigns were to comprise a multimedia extravaganza, with fake posters all over the theatre, college, and town, a slide show accompanying a dramatic voice-over, and, in the end, an actual debate between the candidates which would quickly devolve into petty name-calling and slander.

Just because I always thought they were amusing and they will likely never be performed, here are the first ads from each candidate...


(The projection screen is blank. A faint instrumental version of "God Bless America" plays.)

(A stereotypical "rich white guy," WALTER WILLOUGHBY, in a conservative black suit and blue tie, walks to center stage.)


I’m Walter Willoughby, and I approved this ad.

(WILLOUGHBY leaves. An ANNOUNCER comes over the PA; he sounds like the guy who does every movie trailer, just a bit softer and more reverent.)

(As the ANNOUNCER narrates certain things in VOICE OVER, corresponding slides are projected...)

Walter Willoughby has served the public as a prosecuting attorney...

(SLIDE: WILLOUGHBY lectures a jury; he wears the same suit and tie.)

A health and physical education teacher at Madison Falls Middle School...

(SLIDE: WILLOUGHBY, standing in front of a class of kids, uses a yardstick to point to posters of male and female genetalia taped to a blackboard; he wears the same suit and tie.)

And the chairman of a children’s charity, "Kidz Be Ballin’", which provides culturally-significant sports equipment to underprivileged, inner-city, non-white youths.

(SLIDE: WILLOUGHBY, shooting a sky-hook, plays basketball against a group of young black kids less than half his size; he wears the same suit and tie.)

(The strains of "God Bless America" transition into a darker, more menacing instrumental.)

(SLIDE: Another man, who looks similar to WILLOUGHBY, TUCKER LEE THOMPSON, wears an identical suit with a red tie instead of blue; THOMPSON also wears elbow-length, yellow rubber gloves and a surgical mask pulled down below his chin. He holds a vacuum cleaner extension in one hand and gives a "thumbs up" with the other; he looks to be caught in mid-laugh.)

(The ANNOUNCER takes on a darker, more accusatory tone.)

His opponent for Mayor of Madison Falls, Republican Tucker Lee Thompson, works in abortion clinics for fun.



And now, the other side of the race...


(The projection screen is blank. A faint, instrumental version of "America the Beautiful" plays.)

(Another "rich white guy," TUCKER LEE THOMPSON, in a conservative black suit and red tie, walks to center stage. He greatly resembles WILLOUGHBY in mannerisms, demeanor, and accent.)


I’m Tucker Lee Thompson, and I approved this ad.

(THOMPSON leaves. The same ANNOUNCER comes on and treats THOMPSON with the same reverence once reserved for WILLOUGHBY. Once again, corresponding slides are projected with the narration.)

Tucker Lee Thompson has aided his community as the Dean of the Stonewall Jackson Military Academy...

(SLIDE: THOMPSON salutes a line of teens in military school uniforms; he wears the same suit and tie.)

A volunteer at the Madison Falls YMCA...

(SLIDE: THOMPSON floats underwater with a few kids in the background and gives an enthusiastic "thumbs up;" he wears the same suit and tie.)

And president of the non-profit Spragen-Michner group for underprivileged, inner-city, non-white, mentally challenged, bedridden children.

(SLIDE: THOMPSON performs a crappy sock puppet theater for a sickly-looking black kid in a hospital bed; he wears the same suit and tie.)

(The strains of "America the Beautiful" transition into the same dark instrumental played during the WILLOUGHBY ad.)

(SLIDE: WILLOUGHBY, wearing his black suit and blue tie, holds a blender in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other. An adorable kitten sits in the blender; WILLOUGHBY seems caught in mid-laugh.)

(Again, the ANNOUNCER takes on a darker, more accusatory tone.)

The Democratic candidate for Mayor of Madison Falls, Walter Willoughby, drinks kitten margaritas.




Anonymous said...

[b]10 Advanced Mac Retail, [url=]macromedia dreamweaver software[/url]
[url=][/url] adobe acrobat reader 9 softwarefree download buy dreamweaver 8 software
cheap computer software [url=]windows vista registration key[/url] academic discounted software
[url=]buy macromedia dreamweaver[/url] winzip 12 activation code
[url=]become a software reseller[/url] nero burner
i purchase software to [url=]i lost my microsoft office 2003 product key[/b]

Anonymous said...

[b]microsoft smartphone software, [url=]buy my software[/url]
[url=][/url] sell oem software adobe creative suite 3 design standard
educator discount microsoft office [url=]shop keeper software[/url] microsoft office for cheap
[url=]adult educational software[/url] FileMaker Pro 9
[url=]adobe photoshop cs3 classroom in a book[/url] microsoft office 2007 academic discount
pro cheap software [url=]buy cheap microsoft office[/b]

Anonymous said...

[b]discount microsoft office, [url=]CS3 Extended Mac Retail[/url]
[url=][/url] used educational software microsoft office 2007 enterprise edition
buy cheap software coupon [url=]microsoft office onenote 2003 serial[/url] teacher discount on software
[url=]sell software services[/url] filemaker pro free template
[url=]adobe acrobat pro 9 training[/url] free interactive coreldraw 11 tutorial
student price software [url=]coreldraw x3 graphics suite[/b]

Anonymous said...

[b]filemaker pro, [url=]software shop[/url]
[url=]adobe photoshop cs4 serial number[/url] home buying software express software price
buy software windows xp [url=]to buy oem software[/url] coreldraw engraver rortary
[url=]selling software programs[/url] sell adobe software
[url=]microsoft software sales[/url] buy software online india
purchase software from [url=]adobe photoshop cs4 student promotion code[/b]

Anonymous said...

[b]purchase business software, [url=]discount on software[/url]
[url=][/url] nero 9 activation crack adobe photoshop cs4 free download
wholesale software [url=]canada map software[/url] crack for filemaker pro 9
[url=]online store software with[/url] os x address book into filemaker pro 9
[url=]medicine store software[/url] school academic software
acdsee download free cracked [url=]online store software[/b]

Anonymous said...

The writer of has written a superior article. I got your point and there is nothing to argue about. It is like the following universal truth that you can not disagree with: The speed of the computer is inversely proportional to the rush of the user I will be back.

Anonymous said...

[b]commerce store offers software, [url=]i purchase software to[/url]
[url=]Acrobat 9 Pro[/url] shop 2.0 by software soft sales oem software
store locater software [url=]filemaker pro plugin pdf[/url] paperless office software
[url=]how to price a software product[/url] soft sales software
[url=]nero 9 stops working in vista[/url] 2009 Retail Price
winzip 12 download [url=]software sales in canada[/url][/b]

Anonymous said...

united kingdom free online dating [url=]single parent online dating[/url] hampton roads virginia dating free sex personals

Anonymous said...
[url=]new drug oxyclinton[/url] medicine cabinets lighted 30x48 [url=]escitalopram generic[/url]
holistis drug detox
[url=]drug rehabilitation california[/url] canadian pharmacy and levitra [url=]remeron to induce eating[/url]
drugs causing lung cancer
[url=]testimonials cialis[/url] handling of cytotoxic drugs [url=]ptsd motor restlessness[/url] drugs from crap and piss [url=]buy cheap fluconazole online[/url]

Anonymous said...
[url=]cures for pshycological erectile dysfunction[/url] raleys pharmacy [url=]zoloft damage to kidneys[/url]
peral pharmacy clampham
[url=]drug testing and questions and drug longevity[/url] drug interactions with coenzyme q 10 [url=]metaxalone 800 mg[/url]
comparison of routes of drug administration
[url=]depression cures from drugs instead of herbs[/url] new drug for teens [url=]metabolism infants[/url] drug generic name miochol [url=]lamisil spray medication[/url]

Anonymous said...

identity travel determining vehicle towing capacity for travel trailers
[url=]wheeling aaa travel[/url] sodi travel [url=]hp gps navigation system maps[/url]
future of air travel
[url=]labrador specialist tour companies travel guide[/url] smart military travel club [url=]baltimore orioles vacation package[/url]
travel italy beach identification requirements for travel [url=]meixcian cruises[/url]

Anonymous said...

travel insurance illness family member round gold travel clock
[url=]northwest river travel[/url] travel guide singapore [url=]celebrity cruise cheap cruises bargain cruises cruises[/url]
frugal family travel
[url=]germaphobe travel[/url] travel agents bangkok [url=]mao iof jfk airport[/url]
travel security door alarm
[url=]complaints on travel trailers state of fl[/url] travel dfas [url=]buckleys doncaster coach tours[/url] budget travel ft lauderdale [url=]bolivia adventure holiday[/url]
mark guy travel agent [url=]lucky disneyland dinosaur[/url]
travel poster holding binoculars
[url=]travel agent san francisco for asian australian tour package[/url] orbit travel trailer ca [url=]nac 2000 airlines[/url]
[url=]bank of america stadium tour[/url] visa travel to iraq canada [url=]disneyland trivia questions[/url] travel baseball teams looking for players [url=]cheap plane tickets discount travel online reserva[/url]
missouri travel guide [url=]the flight of a bumble bee[/url]

Anonymous said...

vo travel carry mac travel rain coat
[url=]travel club members[/url] health benifit of travel [url=]liberty travel and 85018[/url]
travel and tour agencies management
[url=]teachers federation health travel insurance[/url] inno travel power [url=]hamton inn north conway nh[/url]
british train travel news tomtom travel maps [url=]plane tickets cheap[/url]

Anonymous said...

girls in stiletto shoes wholesale replica chanel handbags [url=]discount baby clothes[/url] chanel football cosmopolitan south africa fashion pages [url=]custom shoes[/url]

Anonymous said...

abc hentai
[url=]swimming porn[/url] adult chrismas clip art [url=]ameture mature[/url]
anal bdsm
[url=]anal bleaching 90210[/url] adult porn star [url=]fairly odd parents hentai[/url]
teen lesbian dildo fucking
[url=]free adult video mobile[/url] hot lolita amateur [url=]granny mature free[/url]
john deere 111 lawn tractor hydrostat lubricant
[url=]adult ice cube molds[/url] adult stoies [url=]sex orgy house[/url]

Anonymous said...

free hentai child movies
[url=]hentai nuns[/url] crack pot porn [url=]milf xxx sites[/url]
fitchy adult videos
[url=]busty amateur boobs jessica[/url] anal avi [url=]europe teen sex porn[/url]
submitting music to adult swim
[url=]porn jerk free[/url] sleep anal [url=]virgin atlantic routes power point[/url]
christina ricci black snake moan sexy naked
[url=]nude final fantasy 12 hentai[/url] hentai capitol [url=]porn tit fuck[/url]

Anonymous said...

rabbit dildo freeones
[url=]review porn star classics[/url] virgin of guadalupe clipart [url=]gay masturbation trailers[/url]
girl masturbates with huge dildo
[url=]free xxx porn video 20 minutes[/url] indian sexy girls picture [url=]free gay beastiality stories[/url]
adult shop texas
[url=]sexy ass free video[/url] sexy ass porn [url=]bonde co ed porn[/url]
adult nude videos free
[url=]anal explosion[/url] virgin mobil cellphone [url=]gay porn news[/url]

Anonymous said...

porn studios red light district
[url=]why i became a porn actress[/url] digimon lesbian hentai [url=]a dumb ass from olney texas[/url]
flinstons hentai
[url=]jeff allan porn[/url] adult social clubs temple texas [url=]make that ass vibrate[/url]
taxi and porn
[url=]free naughty porn[/url] free cartoonnetwork porn [url=]big nice ass[/url]
archies hentai
[url=]adult go karts[/url] saillor moon hentai [url=]thong ass pics[/url]

Anonymous said...

susanne knips of dresdner kleinwort wooden shoes lyrics [url=]bridal party shoes[/url] harley davidson womens clothes classified shoes [url=]merrel shoes[/url]

Anonymous said...

illinois medical malpractice attorneys [url=]anti hongos[/url] journal of experimental medicine
police trying to lower teen drug use [url=]proscar[/url] franklin county health department florida [url= ]wuyi rock tea [/url] diet pills axlavane
antibiotics image [url=]cialis[/url] cogi health supplement from tibet
phillip long pa department of health norristown [url=]mobic[/url] blood test cbc mch range [url= ]urinary tract infection home treatment [/url] medical symptoms ulcer

Anonymous said...

austrian fashion timeline bob hillbert racing clothes [url=]slip on strap on boots shoes ice[/url] loteck shoes fashion indian photographer [url=]perfume homme yves saint laurent[/url]

Anonymous said...

pelvic muscle exercise [url=]viagra soft flavoured[/url] medlineplus drug information
antibiotics and turbidimetric assays [url=]shallaki[/url] medicine vicitorian times [url= ]drop ship weight loss product [/url] fish oil kidney cancer
southeast muscle cars [url=]baclofen[/url] aetna dental providers list
lsu shreveport internal medicine review 2007 [url=]requip[/url] indian path medical center kingsport tn [url= ]bracelet breast cancer silver [/url] can nasal rinse spread sinus infection to eyes or brain

Anonymous said...

laurens sc mobile homes sas shoes [url=]organic shoes[/url] finn comfort shoes puma childrens shoes home [url=]old fashioned font free[/url]

Anonymous said...

ellicott city teeth whitening [url=]flonase[/url] butoconazole vaginal
coheed blood red summer [url=]quibron t[/url] diet ttc boy [url= ]dogs normal heart beat sound [/url] generic drug companies list
health benefits of forgiving [url=]yasmin[/url] the cost of smoking cigarettes
diabetes sypthoms [url=]viagra[/url] staph infection photos [url= ]cost of breast lift in twincities [/url] national service improvement framework for asthma

Anonymous said...

diabetes management spain [url=]innopran xl[/url] paranoid personality disorder drug
fldoc drug treatment [url=]biaxin[/url] pharmacy malpractice insurance [url= ]what to do before using any medicine [/url] i have a medical question
will antibiotics show up on drug screen [url=]arava[/url] statin drug danger
high fish diet for vision [url=]actonel[/url] brittle diabetic [url= ]centerga health care systems [/url] sleeping mouse

Anonymous said...

insulated coffee travel mugs quin well travel
[url=]travel trade magazine[/url] cool gear travel potty purple [url=]disneyland ashes remains mansion[/url]
lamborghini 16 count travel humidor
[url=]travel time form naples to florence[/url] travel victoria british columbia [url=]orbittz expedia cheapflight[/url]
multi level marketing travel companies travel craft rv manufacture [url=]cheap cruise discount travel expedia travel online[/url]

Anonymous said...

paris casino new jersey lottery results for 12 18 07
[url=]german lottery[/url] adn blog sleeping until noon playing bingo screwing daughters [url=]roulette wheel drawing[/url]
boyd coddington solstice lottery
[url=]strip blackjack free download[/url] national lottery k [url=]joker marchant stadium[/url]
steps to claim lottery salamanca casino in new york [url=]footy gambling exchange[/url]

Anonymous said...

casinos in nys free network control key code for blackjack cingular phone
[url=]golf betting internet[/url] betting odds [url=]agp slot[/url]
samsung blackjack soft restart
[url=]jokers update[/url] fort randall casino owners [url=]gambling roulette internet gambling[/url]
gambling casino etiquette tipping world lottery association [url=]california casino guide[/url]

Anonymous said...

is my lottery ticket worth anything free bingo generator
[url=]free 90 ball bingo[/url] the irish lottery [url=]plastic bicycle playing cards[/url]
casinos gulf coast
[url=]drug abuse associated with gambling[/url] casino goa [url=]playing poker coloring pages[/url]
bingo forms printable free xxx casinos [url=]bingo hall bloomington mn[/url]

Anonymous said...
[url=]pharmacy wholesale[/url] drug testing michigan [url=]bupropion buy tramadol online bupropion antidepressant anti[/url]
giant eagle pharmacy four dollar drug list
[url=]download drug lord[/url] drug comparatable to premrine [url=]permethrin dog ingestion[/url]
definition designer drugs
[url=]alochism and drugs[/url] drug smuggling in africa [url=]propecia bijsluiter acrobat file[/url] degree programs for doctor pharmacy san antonio texas [url=]can i inject xanax[/url]

Anonymous said...

slow burn the movie [url=]road house[/url] greenville nc movie theater kotz chemistry movie
stay song used in what movie [url=]sucker the vampire[/url] absence of malice jouranalistic movie wizard of oz the movie
movie theatres in wilson north carolina [url=]junction[/url] who played moon doggie in the movie gidget
movie theaters arlington va [url=]the lawnmower man[/url] the italian job movie rating gi joe movie international
the ring funny movie [url=]clifford s really big movie[/url] microsoft windows movie maker free download windows movie player

Anonymous said...

movie the hand [url=]rachel getting married[/url] adult movie star index emmanuelle movie series
the incident movie [url=]babylon 5 thirdspace[/url] the day after and movie international movie festival in cannees
horny movie clips [url=]high noon[/url] movie mpegs
the insider movie [url=]safehouse[/url] free exlusive movie gallerie brats the movie 2007
movie 1401 [url=]in the cut[/url] the gold rush movie reviews movie seven days

Anonymous said...

sean connery kathryn zeta jones movie [url=]the banger sisters[/url] recent released romantic movie american president movie brief summary
movie review chill 2007 [url=]born to dance[/url] alice paul movie beijing english movie theaters
strangeland movie [url=]viva las vegas[/url] a civil action movie
movie opening dates [url=]the happiest millionaire[/url] free teenie movie thumbs movie the distance runner eskimo
full length movie database [url=]hollywood the golden years the rko story[/url] celebflix movie clips movie starring kevin bacon

Anonymous said...

camp anaconda porn movie [url=]gallipoli[/url] celeb movie clips movie explanation stay
quartzline movie projector bulb [url=]ghostbusters ii[/url] movie center of earth major league movie characters
happy feet movie [url=]total eclipse[/url] the da vinci code movie
free erotic movie clips [url=]infamy[/url] kite runner movie trailer patterns for clothes from the movie the matrix
the 11th hour the movie [url=]steel city[/url] dritz movie warriors gang movie

Anonymous said...

higher learning movie [url=]silent rage[/url] control movie celebrity movie guide
asian ladyboy movie mgp tgp [url=]the portrait of a lady[/url] address of hindi movie producers japanese drama movie dvd waters shun oguri eng
the sound of music movie [url=]tarnation[/url] the movie dread
halloween movie rob zombie [url=]black cloud[/url] i need answers to the movie apollo 13 movie showimes for winchester va
harry potter movie casting [url=]a date with judy[/url] movie theaters in south bend mesoamerica history movie

Anonymous said...

full movie mr bean [url=]breaking bad[/url] dog fuck free movie video downloads adult movie for mobile phones
why i got married movie [url=]plutos quin puplets[/url] no country for old men movie online movie federal rules
famous female movie stars [url=]clubland 70[/url] king of the castle movie film
erogon movie [url=]enigma[/url] letters from death row movie xxx free movie pictures
original movie posters [url=]al s lads[/url] harry potter movie list view free movie clips and whole movies

Anonymous said...

free windows movie maker [url=]bottoms up[/url] korean movie sex free movie clips nude
old movies verses new movie quotes [url=]an american carol[/url] free grateful dead movie downloads movie nude
movie plex movies [url=]the secret of kells[/url] perfumo movie
clear and present danger movie [url=]mad max[/url] who invente dthe first movie free download ocean13 movie
the new harry potter movie [url=]disney princess enchanted tales follow your dreams[/url] on which fraternity in which college was the movie animal h movie jimmy and judy

Anonymous said...

movie last legion [url=]ed[/url] day of the dead movie spanish movie distributors
spiderman movie [url=]bullets or ballots[/url] sparkler movie movie rentals college station
movie times in korea [url=]the brother from another planet[/url] humilliation movie
minnesota movie sweet [url=]lucky you[/url] vintage movie greats nude photos bristol movie tennesse
female orgasm movie free [url=]puccini for beginners[/url] the movie 300 official website funny movie quotes

Janis evans said...

Good Article...
quickbooks enterprise support phone number