Sunday, March 25, 2007


The saddest thing about the modern rock scene is that none of the acts are better than, say, (A) a fake 70's rock band populated by idiots, (B) a fake 80's metal band fronted by a no-name singer who looks a lot like Marky Mark, or (C) a fake death metal band, with a bass player named "William Murderface," which happens to be "the world's 12th largest economy."

Here are the Rev. Jenner J. Hull's three favorite songs from fictional bands...

(*Fair Warning* As always, the language is going to be profane (which should be expected), and the videos may be, as some would say, NSFW. Since I've only had one job that allowed me the luxury of doing anything on a computer that wasn't related to work, this N/SFW concept is new to me but I'll try to be aware and alert people when I link to the sort of video seen below. )

Spinal Tap - "Bitch School" (From "Break Like the Wind") *Not From "This is Spinal Tap," like I previously said. What am I? A moron? Yes.*

Years ago, my friends and I decided to separate the words "idiot" and "moron." While "moron" stayed the same (e.g. *scoff* "What a fuckin' moron"), "idiot" came to be known as a term of endearment for those acquaintances and/or individuals who exhibited behavior so outlandishly, self-consciously stupid that no other label would adequately apply. Within weeks, saying "that guy's a fuckin' idiot" was considered a badge of honor, a complete and utter confirmation of total hilarity. The trend continues to this day; most recently, watching "Arrested Development" DVD's and screaming, "Will Arnett/David Cross/Tony Hale is such an idiot!"

So, the members of Spinal Tap are "the idiot's idiots." The video for
"Bitch School" is a flawless example of idiocy at work; the chick biting off a chunk of chalk almost kills me every time. With laughter.

And, just for kicks,
Nigel Tufnel at his best.

Steel Dragon - "We All Die Young" (From "Rock Star")

I'll admit, I was wary when I heard about "Rock Star." I liked Mark Wahlberg in "Boogie Nights" and always enjoyed Jennifer Aniston more as an actor than eye candy, but neither seemed like the type to carry a rock and roll movie. Once I found out that Zakk Wylde (pardon me, "Zakk Motherfuckin' Wylde") was doing the git-fiddlin', it was a lock.

As it turned out, it was a damn good movie with a killer 80's metal soundtrack. Between Jeff Scott Soto providing vocals and Michael Matijevic's performance on
"We All Die Young," it's enough to make me yearn for a beat-up, frayed Steel Dragon concert tee.

Dethklok - "Deththeme" (From "Metalocalypse")

A cartoon death metal band on Adult Swim? You bet your sweet bippy it's funny.

The weirdest thing about "Metalocalypse," though, is the fact that it was created by the same guy who made the constantly entertaining "Home Movies," Brendon Small.

Compare the
"Franz Kafka" rock-opera from "Home Movies" with...

opening theme for every "Metalocalypse" episode.

A couple of handfuls of kudos go to Brendon Small for some fortuitous speed metal riffs. His solo at the end of the
"Dethjingle" (AKA "Duncan Hills Coffee") is sickening.


Dikkii said...

Not meaning to nit-pick, Jenner, but didn't Bitch School come from the album that Spinal Tap released in the nineties, Break Like the Wind?

Also, where's The Rutles? Wyld Stallyns? CB4?

Mind you, you did choose well. For only three.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull said...

"...but didn't Bitch School come from the album that Spinal Tap released in the nineties, Break Like the Wind?"

Too true, Dikkii. I got carried away with my video hunting and completely forgot. Good catch.

Rockstar Ryan said...

Dude, Tap just rocks. I seriously laugh everytime I hear "Big Bottom" and everyone is playing bass.

They were on SNL waaaay back when the movie came out and played that song. St. Hubbins introduced Tufnel as being on "lead bass". The very concept makes me LOL.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull said...

"Big Bottom" was my second choice, if only for the line, "the looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand." A close third was "Sex Farm."

Malodious Glitterbottom said...

I have to agree with you on "Rock Star". It does have a killer 80's soundtrack. The only reason it's good is because it has one of the greatest rock bands in the world... BON JOVI!