A BRIEF BIT ABOUT YOUR HUMBLE REVEREND THAT MIGHT EVEN BE TRUE

"Please allow me to adjust my pants/So that I may dance the Good Time Dance/And put the on-lookers and innocent bystanders into a trance..." - Neil Fallon (From Clutch - "Mob Goes Wild")

Well, I can't really dance, but you get the idea. Sort of. Probably not. I'm not even quite sure that I do. What the Hell were we talking about again? Doesn't matter...

Anyway, if anyone is curious as to what the Reverend Jenner J. Hull is really like, here's a selective list of interests, activities, accomplishments, and quirks.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull...

...has an obsession with Yoo-Hoo. And we mean a serious obsession. Frankly, the rest of the Church thinks it's quite unhealthy and have taken to referring to the beverage as the "Chocolate Horse." At least it's not a fetish.

...was, at one time and for his age, one of the best trumpet players in the Great Commonwealth of Virginia. Has not touched the instrument since.

...accidentally touched Katie Holmes' ass on the set of "Dawson's Creek."

...does an uncanny Michael MacDonald impression. And, when he's half-drunk, a decent Frankie Blue.

...taught himself how to juggle in three days with the help of a Rottweiler/Shepherd/Beagle puppy named, aptly, Puppy. The Reverend dropped, Puppy fetched.

...is afraid of spiders. And heights. And comb-overs. And televangelists. Especially televangelists.

...has a man-crush on James Randi. Yeah, like you don't.

...loves "Lost" because it's so damn frustrating and confusing.

...is proud to have evolved from ape-like creatures, but would've much rather evolved from bird-like creatures. Opposable thumbs are cool, but wings would be infinitely more bitching.

...thinks that only one perfect person has ever lived. Her name is Zooey Deschanel.

...loves Thabo Sefolosha of the Chicago Bulls because his name is so fun to say. Go ahead, try it. "Sefolosha, Sefolosha, Sefolosha!"

...thinks a French dip sandwich would be absolutely faboo right now.

...wishes that hockey jerseys were considered "formal wear."

...hates commericals. The cats that write commercials (except for, maybe, a handful of said "cats") can, in the words of Kurt Vonnegut, "take a flying fuck at a rolling donut." Then they can "take a flying fuck at the Moon."

...can, on a clear day and in fair winds, hit the high parts in "Billie Jean."

...once killed a hobo. With kindness.