JAM SESSION MADNESS

So, yeah, Slayer was OK. If, by "OK," you mean "the craziest, loudest, most brutal metal available to two ears." Then, yeah, it was OK.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull could easily fill endless tomes with praise of Slayer and other Death Metal Monsters. However, if you’re not a Metal Freak and have never seen a full-tilt metal show, there’s really only one thing I can say...

"RRRAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHH!"

If that tells you nothing, here’s an analogy I’ve always found helpful.

"Imagine slamming your head violently and repeatedly against a concrete wall while having an orgasm."

As for the actual show, well, it’s kind of fuzzy at this point. A good time was had by all (except for the poor beat-up bastards in the Pit), Slayer rocked harder than diamond, and copious amounts of beer were consumed (drivers were designated). In the Rev. Jenner J. Hull’s experience, heavy metal hangovers are always the least painful.

Sober, tipsy, or faced, I’ve found that the best shows I’ve been to always remain kind of fuzzy. If the Groove is locked in, even the shambling zombie denizens of the Funkless Masses tend to focus solely on the music and, somehow, "lose time." Or, more accurately, "blur time." I’ve found that, mere minutes after an awesome show, I’ll have the following hypothetical exchange with my fellow show-goer...

(In the car, after, say, a Clutch show.)

THE REV. JENNER J. HULL (RJJH)
Oh my good, good Funky Lord! That was ca-rucial!

FUNKY DEACON (FD)
Fuckin’ A. I told you they were gonna play "10001110101," didn’t I?

RJJH
And they did. I love that they played "The Regulator." It sounded better live than it did on the album!

FD
What did they play after that?

RJJH
Oh, it was... I... I don’t remember...

FD
Me either.

RJJH
Damn. Damn! "Regulator" was only the fifth song, wasn’t it?

FD
Sixth.

RJJH
Was it?

FD
Yeah, I think so. Wasn’t it?

RJJH
That’s what I asked you!

FD
I don’t know! I might’ve been in the can!

RJJH
Ah, never mind. They kicked ass.

FD
Fuckin’ A.

In the case of a metal show, even if I don’t exactly remember the exact chronology of exact events, I’d still know it was good if I woke up hoarse.

I woke up this morning sounding like Harvey Fierstein. And I sounded fabulous...

Updates on future Jam Sessions as they become pertinent. We’re thinking about a "One Week Notice," or something of that nature. Regardless of what we decide, the next must see is Black Label Society at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach on the 29th of March. If you attend, make sure to wear the colors.

They say that the South Carolina Chapter of the BLS is one of the meanest. We shall see, but we’re leaning towards "True."