THE GENESIS OF FAT BACK, PT. I

In the Spring of 2002, the Rev. Jenner J. Hull received a very odd and portentous phone call from a man named Jerry. It went a little something like this...

(For future reference, Jerry has an awe-inspiring Southern accent. Your Humble Reverend’s accent is practically Canadian in comparison.)

THE REV. JENNER J. HULL (RJJH)
Thank you for calling the Funkiest religion under the stratosphere, how can we get your Groove on today?

JERRY
What?

RJJH
What?

JERRY
Uh... I’m lookin’ fer a girl named Jenny.

(RJJH pauses.)

RJJH
Jenner?

JERRY
Jenny Hull?

RJJH
Jenner. Jenner Hull.

JERRY
I thought it was Jenny.

RJJH
It’s Jenner. I’m Jenner. Jenner J. Hull, at your service, sir. What’s happening?

JERRY
Well... Do ya remember a woman, name of Carly Robertson?

RJJH
Yeah. Redhead, tall, used to play the mandolin with a bluegrass band in Eden [North Carolina], right?

JERRY
The same. You recall her talking ‘bout her Pa?

RJJH
"Turbo" Terry Walsh?

JERRY
Yes, sir.

RJJH
‘Course I do! The man’s a legend! He played with Fat Back Jackson!

JERRY
That’s why I’m callin’ ya.

(At this point, RJJH is speechless. A few seconds of frantic silence ensue.)

JERRY
Hello?

RJJH
Yeah, hey, I’m, I’m still here. So... What? You knew Turbo?

JERRY
Turbo and Fat Back both, for a while. That’s why Carly told me to call you.

(RJJH is, again, speechless.)

JERRY
Are ya on a cellular phone, son? Are ya goin’ through the mountains?

RJJH
No, no. I’m sorry. It’s just...

JERRY
Ya heard a lot of Fat Back’s music, have ya?

RJJH
Yeah, I’ve got a few LP’s and a 45, and I’ve heard lots of stories and...

JERRY
I met ‘im in 1967. Him and Turbo and Jackie MacNamara were playing at the...

(RJJH rudely cuts him off.)

RJJH
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just who the Hell is this? Oh. Oh! You scumbag bastard! This is Jambalaya, isn’t it?

JERRY
No, and I ain’t gumbo, neither. Name’s Jerry Walker. Like I said, I caught up with Carly, she told me whatcha were doin’ with regards to Fat Back, and said I should call ya. Now, don’t be gettin’ no accusatory tone with someone trying to help ya.

RJJH
Look, I’m sorry, really. But, you’re not jerking me around? You met Fat Back when he was only twenty-two?

(Jerry pauses briefly. He then sounds a little amazed.)

JERRY
How’d ya know he was twenty-two?

RJJH
‘Cause that’s the lie he told the most. Man stayed twenty-two for, like, seven years.

(Jerry chuckles.)

JERRY
Well I’ll be damned. And you never met ‘im?

RJJH
No.

JERRY
Shit. Y'already know more about ‘im than half the people he ever knew.

RJJH
So, what now? Do you have some old recordings?

JERRY
Nah, wore ‘em out or lost ‘em years ago. All I got is stories. Ya still livin’ in Virginia?

RJJH
For the time being.

JERRY
I’m in Alta Vista for a week or so. Think ya can get out here?

RJJH
Yeah, it’s only forty-five minutes away.

JERRY
Good. Carly said that you’re good people and that ya were looking for first-hand knowledge. I figured I’d give ya mine.

RJJH
What kind of first-hand knowledge are we talking about here?

JERRY
Well, for one, I was there when he got his nickname.

RJJH
Where are you in Alta Vista?

(Jerry gives his temporary address.)

RJJH
Be at the Irish pub in twenty-five minutes.

JERRY
Thought you said it’d take forty-five.

RJJH
Don't you worry about that. Drinks are on me.

JERRY
You got it, kid.

(Conversation ends.)

For the record, the Rev. Jenner J. Hull got to the pub in just over twenty-seven minutes. If he hadn’t hit that damn vulture, swerved off the road, and got hung up at a stoplight half a mile from the pub, he would’ve come in at just over twenty-five.

Fat Back’s story (as told by Jerry) coming up in "Pt. II."