Wednesday, February 14, 2007


Happy Greeting Card/Flower/Candy/Chocolate Industry Day! I like to celebrate by open-mouth kissing as many complete strangers as I can before I get arrested. Last year I got ten, including the arresting officer.

Today's Daily Dose is an extra-super-special edition for two reasons; The Police and Van Halen.

The Police reunion I had heard about; even someone as completely apathetic towards the Grammy's as Your Humble Reverend still hears these things. Maybe Sting will start writing music with balls again.

The Van Halen thing somehow slipped by me, though. I had to rely on a Funky Deacon to relay the news in the following approximated conversation...

Dude, did you hear that Van Halen's bringing back Roth?

Oh, great. So, have they fired him yet?

Remember that movie "Airheads?" When Brendan Fraser et al are trying to figure out if Harold Ramis is a cop based on his answer to the question "Which side did you take in the big David Lee Roth/Van Halen split?" Ramis answers, "Van Halen," to which the reply is, "He's a NARC!"

I've always had a problem with these people who seem to think that, just 'cause VH started off with Roth, that he's inherently better than Hagar. An ex-boss used to refer to post-Roth VH as "Van Hagar" with such rancor that I fully expected him to spit on the ground after every mention. I mean, sure, Roth was a great singer, but, honestly?

He was also an annoying jackass and, obviously, not worth the trouble. He had a terminal case of "lead-singer-diva" syndrome, which isn't odd, except in his particular context. Let me spell it out for you David...

You were in a band with Eddie Fucking Van Halen! I don't care who you are; even Michael Jackson would be wholly eclipsed by Eddie Van's inhuman prowess. The man is a Living God of the Git-Fiddle and you're David Lee "Zwee-Bop!" Roth. I don't care how many pink spandex leotards you own or how many groupies you defiled, Eddie's always gonna be the star.

Of course, if Roth acts like a normal human being and does his job (just sing, let Eddie and Wolfgang wow 'em), then this reunion could work out just fine. And if the Rev. Jenner J. Hull gets a chance, he'll definitely go see 'em.

The Police - "Synchronicity II" (From "Synchronicity")

I always like this Cut because it seemed like the most straight-forward rock song from a group that usually specialized in reggae/pop. Far from the bubbly happiness of "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic," "Synchronicity II" is a pretty dark track dealing with desperation and misery in Suburbia; it's like a damn Todd Solondz script ate an 80's song.

Van Halen - "Eruption" (From "Van Halen")

Planet Earth, meet Mr. Eddie Van Halen! The best thing about this Cut is, this is what Eddie Van does to warm up. The guy running the board heard him playing this mind-boggling classical/metal, said "Hey, we should lay this down," and introduced the world to the best guitar player of modern times.

Besides, Eddie's good people; he put his iconic black and yellow guitar in Dimebag Darrell's coffin at Dime's funeral.

While we're on the subject, please observe a moment of deafening, cacaphonous metal in Dimebag's honor...

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