DAILY DOSE OF FUNKY DEACONS

In the interest of economy, we shall, for now, combine the newest Funky Deacons with the latest Daily Dose. We here at the Church enjoy killing birds with stones.

New in the Realm of Funky Deacons ...

It's common knowledge that 95% of You Are Morons. Rockstar Ryan can help you figure out whether or not you're apart of this illustrious cabal.

Rev.BigDumbChimp may well be "big," because that's totally relative, and he is chimp-like, because "Who isn't?", but he sure as all Hell ain't "dumb." Quite the opposite, actually.

And now, a perfect example of why the Rev. Jenner J. Hull is a tremendous freak of nature...

I burn CDs constantly. I still listen to my various bought albums but, more often than not, I just want a little taste of everything. While I take good care of my "real" albums, the burned CDs usually get tossed about the car with no real concern for their well-being. Every now and again, I find one of these CDs, pop it in the stereo (if it isn't too scratched-up), and wonder, "What in the Hell is wrong with me?"

Exhibit A; these two songs led off the CD...

Willie Hutch - "The Glow" (From "The Last Dragon" Soundtrack)

Berry Gordy's "The Last Dragon" is the best horrible movie ever made. Just the story is patently ridiculous, even in the context of high-concept 80's movies. A roving band of chop-socky miscreants led by a kung-fu-Master/faux-Warlord? A sociopathic music producer with some kind of mysterious and murderous creature in a stagnant tank? William H. Macy? Really?

I'm still amazed that I love the movie so much.

In this Cheeseterpiece, Leroy "Bruce Leroy" Green, a martial arts student in New York who, for some reason, thinks that he's Chinese, gets caught in a battle with said sociopathic music producer when the sleaze tries to strongarm the popular VJ Laura into highlighting his latest horrible Cyndi Lauper rip-off. Along the way, Leroy is also in search of the mythical "Glow," which, we're assuming, signals that the fighter has acheived the highest level. The humor is campy, the over-acting (especially "Sho'nuff," the "Shogun of Harlem") is brilliant, and the soundtrack is the perfect match.

"The Glow" is the epitome of early-80's R&B/pop Cheese. Every time I hear it, I have to yell, "Leroy! Who is the Master?"

Mr. Bungle - "None of Them Knew They Were Robots" (From "California")

I've bought "California" four times since it came out. Wore the first one out, lost the second, and wore the third one out. The newest one has been copied extensively; the disc has only been in my computer once and has never actually been listened to. And so shall it remain.

"NoTKTWR" might be the best known Bungle track, since it was featured in Julie Taymor's stupendous "Titus" in the post-crowning orgy scene.

Like most of Bungle's tracks, it's complete and utter insanity. Jumping from psycho-lounge to rockabilly to evil Latin chants, it's the quintessential music for discerning individuals who aren't afraid to consider themselves "Weirdos."